Things You Learn from Ann's Birthday Dinner

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Hi!  I'm back!  Waldorf school life kind of took over there for a while (May Faire: the joyful beast), but now it's summer break, the time of year when the pools are open, but it's too freaking hot to go to them.
LA life: You spend at least an hour putting on makeup so that no one can tell you're wearing makeup.
I know I promised to blog about our big trip to BC, but Ann's birthday was last week, so I thought it would be fun to share some insights that I gleaned that night.  Enjoy!

Ann can spot a fake LA girl a mile away
Ann is sure that she can pick out a local girl from an import.
Except when it's our server, who happens to be from West Virginia.
According to Ann, these are non-locals.  They're at least three hours early for cocktail dresses.
Order what Tina orders
Tina doesn’t get excited about much, but one of those things is food.  And she always knows how to order the thing that I was hoping my meal would be, but isn’t.  Not that my whole grain risotto wasn’t lovely, it just wasn’t the piece-of-heaven creamy pasta dish in front of Tina, eliciting groans of pleasure and shudders of delight.   
This is Tina, unaware of how much I hate her. (jk!)
Ann likes presents
Ann will try to pretend that she really wants to drink and eat with you, but she's actually just waiting to open her presents that are in the car. 
That, and she enjoys dressing up like a giant denim chrysanthemum.
Our blog is failing in its purpose
Despite our best efforts, apparently our blog has given the impression that our lives in LA are glamorous and well-heeled.  If only it were so.  Our lives are as puke- and Lego-filled as any other parent's, we just need to drive through more traffic to buy Bissell cleaner.
Boy, did this stuff come in handy the other day after Sebastian had a bad date with a bunch of cherries.
Tina will give it to you straight
Tina is not one for mincing words, so when you say something like, “Oh, I really need to get a haircut,” she won’t reply with a “What are you talking about?  You can’t even notice the dozens of split end shards that have fallen onto your dress!”  No, instead she’ll say, “So, when’s that happening?”  And not in a cute way.




Ann likes expensive restaurants
This bottle of water cost $16.  She's lucky we heart her so much.  
Tina likes to photobomb inanimate objects.
As a side note, it was really hard to not ask the waitress for the bottle when it was empty.  I wanted to take it home and fill it with kombucha.  It was a great bottle.  Justin could have taken kombucha to work in it.  But walking out the door with two humongous water bottles probably would have been frowned upon, by my fancy friends at the very least (and yes, I did say "two" there, because one $16 bottle of water was not enough). 

And I probably would have fallen down with said empty water bottles and died after cutting myself on the humongous shards of glass because this restaurant had the slipperiest floors in the world!  Polished hardwood floors definitely weren't enough, they had to be followed by large, glass-like Mexican tiles.  Don't they realize that half of their patrons are idiots (myself included) wearing heels that are far too high for comfort, let alone such surfaces?

Kevin does not want to move to Georgia
Kevin most definitely and certainly does not want to move to Georgia. He says "West Coast is best coast."  Ann says she doesn't want to retire with a mortgage, under the listless threat of poverty. Kevin says, "You're from Los Angeles, do you even know what poverty looks like?"
Ann says it doesn't look like Alpharetta, Georgia. 
Kevs, the ultimate contradiction: A Republican that doesn't want to live in the South. 
Tina licks the bowl when no one is looking
Okay, she doesn’t actually lick it, she uses bread.  It should be pointed out that prior to cleaning out the bowl, Tina first chose to compare me unfavorably to a member of her family for suggesting that I wanted to dip French fries in the pesto.  Suffice to say, I didn't get any pesto.

This bowl of gelatinous goo is burrata.

Ann enjoys taking horrific pictures of herself


This is a movie poster for The Bloodening: The Last Blood.



Tina and Ann are eagle eyes at spotting celebrities
Celebs are everywhere here, they're just invisible to me.  At Ann's dinner we were sitting beside a guy, and Tina's all like, "That's the guy from Veep!"  I look over and have to ask her several times which guy she's talking about because I have no clue.  Same thing happened a little later with the girl who played Amber in Clueless.  I’m still standing on my Ron Livingston rock.  He’s all that I’ve got.
The guy from Veep, who I bet you can't recognize from his better known role as...
Tina and Ann are not helpful
Though Tina and Ann are good at spying celebrities, they will not actually tell you who they see until they’ve come up with a random role that you probably don’t know, and will refrain from telling you the real role that the person is best known for, and for which you love said person.  The guy from Veep, he was also Buster Bluth from Arrested Development!  Ann and Tina both love Arrested Development.  I love that show.  I love Buster.  Why didn't they say, "He's the guy from Arrested Development!"?!  Ann and Tina are so unhelpful.
Buster!
Ann does not know how to say Oregon
Ann, there is no ‘e’ at the end of Oregon.  It’s not there.  It has never been there.
Even that seagull knows how to say Oregon.

9 comments

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ishy
AUTHOR
July 4, 2016 at 12:49 AM delete

I got a house in Alpharetta, Georgia that I can sell you.

Seriously. I really do. Somebody please buy it. Please?

And happy birthday, Ann!

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July 4, 2016 at 9:00 AM delete

Has it really not sold yet??? Why? I've seen the photos! It's lovely!

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Josh Nagy
AUTHOR
July 4, 2016 at 9:54 AM delete

The reason they don't want you talking the voss bottle is so they can't take in the back and refill it with the hose.

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July 4, 2016 at 10:17 AM delete

I had that same thought! I bet they have a whole roll of little fake "seals" so that they can pretend it hadn't been opened yet. That being said, it actually tasted really, really good. Like, where have you been all my life good.

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ishy
AUTHOR
July 4, 2016 at 3:08 PM delete

Because a week after we put our house on the market, everybody else did, too.

We've had a lot of people come look at it, but not a single offer. :(

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July 4, 2016 at 11:02 PM delete

Sigh. I will envy you and that house every day of my sad poor life.

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Josh Nagy
AUTHOR
July 5, 2016 at 5:38 PM delete

Have you ever had water out of a still? it's also fantastic. My old science teacher used to have one in the class you could just go fill your water bottle from. it was some of the cleanest best tasting water I've ever had.

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July 5, 2016 at 9:33 PM delete

No, but now I'll be googling how to make a still.

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July 6, 2016 at 10:37 AM delete

Oh, Josh, you just got Sarah started on another domestic project...

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