BACK TO THE BARRE!!!
|All good stories start out with a young boy--a boy with a dream.|
Let me take you back, ALL the way back to 2010, or was it 2011, anyway, it was during the height of the money sucking phenomenon known as Groupon. Who can forget those lovely little emails and notifications telling you that you needed, NEEDED to buy $50 worth of fro-yo for $40 and like, NOW because this was only going to last another 15 hours and then, poof, gone, bye-bye. No more cheap fro-yo.
Once in awhile Groupon would get it right with some pretty legit deals. I came across said deal one fine morning. It was a $20 Groupon for $40 worth of food at "Fraiche," a nice restaurant on the west side that John took me to for my birthday that year. I giddily texted him, "Did you see today's Groupon??!! Let's get it!!" I recall getting a cavalier "Okay" response. "Done. Bought it."
|Only I'm not a boy, and dreams are for suckers...|
Fast forward to us brushing our teeth before bed and this was more or less the conversation we had:
Me: When should we use the Groupon we just bought?
John: Uh, I dunno. Isn't it more for you?
Me: Uh, I thought you liked it too.
John: It sounds interesting, but I figured it was more your thing.
Me: But you had that soup and chicken. You loved it.
John: Uh, okay what?!
Me: The Groupon to Fraiche?!
John: That's not the Groupon I bought.
Me: WHAT. GROUPON. DID. YOU. BUY.
John: Ten passes for $20 to Cardio Barre????
My face bore the expression that can only be described as finding out your dog died and Santa isn't real all in the same day...while eating a sugar-free, gluten-free muffin in the presence of a mushroom cloud.
|Ah yes...this is my dream.|
Life is so unfair.
|No. NO. This is not the dream. GET THIS OUT OF HERE.|
But after 10 classes I knew all the moves, I had a favorite teacher, a favorite time slot, and I somehow managed to con my way into another reduced rate package of 10 passes (thank you, fundraiser.)
The Herrera Economic Crisis of 2012-2013 hit, and just like that, Cardio Barre was a distant memory...along with my flat stomach. Sad emoji face.
BUT NOW I AM BACK.
|Turns out people DON'T like being photographed while working out.|
Can't I just do a master cleanse and go back to watching Girls on HBO? Who am I kidding? Forty eight hours and I start seeing spots.
So, I am back at the barre again. I scan the room full of young whipper-snappers and gently scoff at the twenty something next to me with her mermaid pony tail and tall, pink leg warmers. Pssh! I doubt she knows a Tendu from a Sous-sus.
It's been awhile, but I still got it...well, sort of. I huffed and puffed my way through the warm up. Note to self, bean and cheese burritos are definitely NOT a good pre cardio barre meal. Turns out I am, again, the only one having a water break after our warm up and ol' leg warmers next to me can kiss her own knee while sitting...or standing. Sigh. This is going to a long 55 minutes.
|The first of fifty water breaks.|
So, I've gone a total of two times last month. I've whittled down .0006 dress sizes--in case any of you feared it couldn't be done. It can. This is the inspiration station. Who wants to get on the train with me?
|I'm about two minutes away from throwing up that food baby. Cardio barre works.|
Or not do, more than twice.