6:35 PM 1 Comments A+ a-

All good stories start out with a young boy--a boy with a dream.
My relationship with Cardio Barre almost wasn't.

Let me take you back, ALL the way back to 2010, or was it 2011, anyway, it was during the height of the money sucking phenomenon known as Groupon. Who can forget those lovely little emails and notifications telling you that you needed, NEEDED to buy $50 worth of fro-yo for $40 and like, NOW because this was only going to last another 15 hours and then, poof, gone, bye-bye. No more cheap fro-yo.

Only I'm not a boy, and dreams are for suckers...
Once in awhile Groupon would get it right with some pretty legit deals.  I came across said deal one fine morning.  It was a $20 Groupon for $40 worth of food at "Fraiche," a nice restaurant on the west side that John took me to for my birthday that year.  I giddily texted him, "Did you see today's Groupon??!! Let's get it!!"  I recall getting a cavalier "Okay" response. "Done. Bought it."

Fast forward to us brushing our teeth before bed and this was more or less the conversation we had:

Me: When should we use the Groupon we just bought?

John: Uh, I dunno. Isn't it more for you?

Me: Uh, I thought you liked it too.  

John: It sounds interesting, but I figured it was more your thing.

Me: But you had that soup and chicken. You loved it.

John: Uh, okay what?!

Me: The Groupon to Fraiche?! 

John: That's not the Groupon I bought.


John: Ten passes for $20 to Cardio Barre???? 

My face bore the expression that can only be described as finding out your dog died and Santa isn't real all in the same day...while eating a sugar-free, gluten-free muffin in the presence of a mushroom cloud. 
Ah yes...this is my dream.
"But how? But why? But what about Fraiche?!" was all I could say for the next 15 minutes until we realized two things, 1) John was signed up for Groupons in the Valley, but somehow I had my Groupons set for Santa Monica/the Westside, ergo we were not receiving the same Groupon notices and 2) the clock had, indeed, run out on Fraiche.

Life is so unfair.
No. NO. This is not the dream. GET THIS OUT OF HERE.
The funny version of this story would be: If I went, tried it out, sucked at it, hated it and never went back, leaving behind the nine remaining passes as I unapologetically pay full price for a dinner at Fraiche.  But that's not what happened. I liked it. I REALLY liked it. I am, historically, a FAIL when it comes to any group class that isn't yoga.  In a room full of strangers and loud dance music, I suddenly forget which is my left leg or what "up" and "down" mean. I can't fake it. I can't make it.  And what's worse I am always, always the first one to take a water break or to think a set is over and stop early, only to find out "Okay, double time, 5, 6, 7, 8... 

But after 10 classes I knew all the moves, I had a favorite teacher, a favorite time slot, and I somehow managed to con my way into another reduced rate package of 10 passes (thank you, fundraiser.) 

And then....

The Herrera Economic Crisis of 2012-2013 hit, and just like that, Cardio Barre was a distant memory...along with my flat stomach. Sad emoji face.  


Turns out people DON'T like being photographed while working out.
Mostly because I noticed that my food baby is more like strong-willed adolescent. I guess you're not supposed to have a food baby at 8am, when you haven't even eaten breakfast...and you're standing up.

Can't I just do a master cleanse and go back to watching Girls on HBO? Who am I kidding? Forty eight hours and I start seeing spots.

So, I am back at the barre again. I scan the room full of young whipper-snappers and gently scoff at the twenty something next to me with her mermaid pony tail and tall, pink leg warmers.  Pssh! I doubt she knows a Tendu from a Sous-sus.

It's been awhile, but I still got it...well, sort of.  I huffed and puffed my way through the warm up. Note to self, bean and cheese burritos are definitely NOT a good pre cardio barre meal.  Turns out I am, again, the only one having a water break after our warm up and ol' leg warmers next to me can kiss her own knee while sitting...or standing. Sigh. This is going to a long 55 minutes.

The first of fifty water breaks.

So, I've gone a total of two times last month. I've whittled down .0006 dress sizes--in case any of you feared it couldn't be done. It can. This is the inspiration station. Who wants to get on the train with me?

Woot. Woot.

I'm about two minutes away from throwing up that food baby. Cardio barre works.
I'm revved up and ready to go again, but there's Chinese food. And Ann just texted to say "she can't make it. LOL xoxo!!!" And I hate soggy egg rolls. Oh well, what you are going to do?

Or not do, more than twice.


Write comments
May 21, 2016 at 8:51 AM delete

I have never in my life used "LOL" in a text!